Sightless Dreams (A Oneshot)
by Lucenthia
Summary: After the war with Gaea, Percy's finding enemies more formidable than Gaea that he can't kill, namely, regret and guilt. These enemies torment him wherever and whenever he goes, even at his wedding.


Percy fidgeted with his collar for the hundredth time. Up and down, up and down. Thank the gods he wasn't wearing a tie, he'd have torn it to bits by now. Wearing armour was bad enough, who'd want to wear something that strangled his neck as well as his arms and chest?

He was nervous and fidgety, even by his standards, and by the standards of a notorious ADHD and dyslexic kid, that was saying a lot. Only he wasn't a kid. He was an adult. Nineteen now. He'd been part of two Great Prophecies and lost more than most old men had before they died. He wasn't a kid. He hadn't been a kid since he and Annabeth had said hello to the stars for Bob. He hadn't been a kid since he'd seen Luke die on the floors of Olympus, being twice the hero Percy had ever been. He hadn't been a kid since he'd seen his mom disappear in a shower of gold in the cruel and bestial grips of a Minotaur.

So why did he feel so lost if he wasn't a kid?

Memories of everything he'd done flashed through his eyes. So full of triumphs to anyone but him. People saw how he'd rescued Aretmis from the clutches of Atlas, he'd seen how he'd failed to keep Annabeth away from Atlas. He'd seen how he'd been unable to keep Zoe safe. Others saw how he'd fought back the Titan's army, he saw Luke sacrifice himself and do what he couldn't.

Not his fault.

It hadn't been his fault when he'd let Nico be imprisoned by the twin sons of Gaea. It hadn't been his fault when he'd left Bob to be slaughtered and cast into nothingness by his own father. He had done the best he could. He had done better than anyone else could, that was what everyone kept on telling him. Would Jason have been able to kill Kronos? Would Annabeth have been able to deduce the giants' plan? Would-

"Hey man, you've been in there forever."

Grover peeked his head around the curtain into the booth Percy had been changing in. He was wearing a dress shirt with formal pants, complete with Riptide stuffed in his pocket. Percy turned around smiling and said, "Yeah, just nervous. It's just snuck up on me, that's all."

"Yeah, sure has. Man, time flies. I remember when I was watching you at Yancy when you were eleven." Grover let out that nervous laugh. "But hey, look at me, talking like an old daddy goat. I'm gonna be like my Uncle Ferdinand in no time. Seriously though, you've been giving Juniper ideas. She wants me and her to get married now, imagine that. I'd be a real dad."

"You'd be a great dad." Percy said, and Grover beamed from ear to ear behind his short beard. "Alright then. Better get going then. Don't want to keep the lucky lady waiting."

Grover left, and Percy turned around and stared at the mirror. And he didn't like what he saw. He saw someone strong and able, but unable to do what was really important. He'd closed the Doors of Death, defeated Gaea with the other six of the Prophecy. He'd done more than almost any demigod in existence, but he couldn't do anything for-

"So you're getting married."

Percy closed his eyes, but he could still recognize the soft expressionless voice. He could still see those brown eyes shining out from skin as pale as a corpse's. "What are you doing here?" He close his eyes, blind to the world like Oedipus himself had been, and saw Nico standing there, with his hands in his pockets and looking at the floor. He should open his eyes.

Nico let out a small breath that could either be a sigh or a small laugh. It fell short and flat, and barely reached Percy's ears before dying out. "I'm not allowed to my best friend's wedding? With the girl of his dreams, no less." He wanted to open his eyes, but couldn't do it, just like Oedipus couldn't open his eyes to the truth of his crimes before it was too late.

Percy hated it when Nico was bitter. It just kicked the hilt of the dagger inside his heart even further in. Stomped and grounded and twisted until the hilt was coming out the other end, with bits of flesh hanging off the curved crosspiece. "What are you doing here?" He repeated the question, knowing what the answer would be.

"I'm here to support you, of course." Nico said, "You must be nervous seeing Annabeth in all her glory." Percy wanted to open his eyes, see Nico in the mirror, but he didn't. He knew what he would find, and he wouldn't like it.

"You know what I mean, Nico." Percy said. The click Percy's tongue made when he said Nico's name made his heart race a bit. "You shouldn't be here."

"Why not?" Nico had now stepped forward and put his arms around Percy's waist. Percy clenched his fists as he felt Nico's hair brush against his back through his shirt. Percy wanted to step away, but he knew it was impossible. Impossible to step away from his nightmares.

"Because you're dead." Percy whispered it so softly only he could have heard it. But luckily, Nico was a part of him. A part of his imagination. "You're dead. I held your body as you died after Gaea sacrificed you. I held you in my arms,-"

"And you said you loved me. Can I ask, did you tell Annabeth first or me?" And now the dream turned cruel. As they always did, until Percy would jerk open his eyes and sit in his bed for hours shaking.

"Why are you doing this, Nico?" Percy whispered. Tears started to make their way down his face. He couldn't stay dry from water of his own making. Blood and tears soaked his clothes whether he liked it or not. Just like blood soaked his hands no matter what, and nothing he did could get rid of them.

"I'm not Nico." Nico replied. His voice was muffled because his mouth was buried in Percy's back. "I'm just a figment of your guilty imagination. But you can't stop me, just like you can't stop your thoughts. You're stuck with me." If only Percy could open his eyes and see Nico standing there behind him. What if he did? What if Nico had somehow come back?

But Percy's eyes were still kept closed, and he rested his head against the mirror. He could see Nico's helpless eyes as they looked up at him. But they weren't blaming him, like he had blamed Percy for not saving Bianca. His brown eyes loved him, and Percy had replied back in fashion.

"I made Percy Jackson himself admit he liked boys." Nico said in a singsong voice. It was cold and dead now, just like Percy envisioned it to be in his dreams. Just like Nico would always be whenever he dreamed of that fateful day he saved the world. And that was what marrying Annabeth was. A dream come true, so was it that surprising that he would see Nico as well?

"That's not what I meant. I didn't say-" Percy stopped then asked. "Did you really mean what you-" He left the question hanging, even though it was obvious. He should have known. Why hadn't he seen? Why hadn't he opened his eyes?

"It's not that I like boys, or I like men. It's different." Nico's voice suddenly turned serious, driving another nail into Percy's heart, making the grooves twist through his flesh. "It's just you. It's always been you. Nothing more, nothing less. Just you." Percy's eyes were glued shut now, pulled together by tears that pooled and congealed behind his eyelids and squeezed themselves out.

"Thank you." Nico said. And he pulled away from Percy's back, and his arms loosened around his waist. Percy felt a stray finger on his neck, and he shuddered. But he refrained from trying to brush it away, knowing that it wouldn't make any difference. "I tried to tell you, you know. As you said you loved me and I was lying there, I tried to tell you." Nico's voice grew lower, but he kept on talking. "I saw Jason firing lightning everywhere, saw Coach Hedge killing anything that got in his way, but I just wanted to tell you, just once."

"I know." Percy said, "I could see what you meant." How could he not? Nico's wide eyes looking at him so pleadingly, his pale and broken outstretched arm. His naked and torn body bleeding. Flecks of blood like roses against a whitewashed window. How could his eyes not see what Nico was trying to say? And now his eyes were closed, listening to Nico because to open his eyes would mean to accept the fact that Nico was gone. _(Open your eyes)_

And Nico couldn't be gone. He couldn't ever be without him.

"But I tried to say it," Nico said, "And you didn't hear me. I wasn't strong enough to last, and you didn't hear what I said. One of the few moments you were with me, and you didn't hear me." Percy hadn't. He had rushed to the alter, cutting at the bonds, and he had seen Nico mouth something. And then he had fallen still and wept, and he had whispered that he would never forget Nico.

"It doesn't matter." Percy said, "I always hear you. Wherever I am, I always hear you, and I always see you, and you are always with me." If only it were true. But dreams ended whenever Percy opened his eyes, and so would this one, imperfect as it was.

"Well that's sweet." Nico said, "Give Annabeth my love, won't you?"

"You know I can't say that," Percy said. His fingers fidgeted but he didn't dare open his eyes. He could still see Nico dying, but it was better than not seeing him at all. "They'll think I'm insane."

"But you are insane," Nico said, "You were insane to think you could protect everyone. After all, that's your fatal flaw. And every fatal flaw comes to bite back the hero in the end." Not Annabeth's. Her fatal flaw had been hubris, but she'd triumphed over it. And what had Percy done? _(Open your eyes, open your eyes)_

"Stop it." Percy said, "Nico would never say this. You're not him." _(Open them, open them)_

"We both know that," Nico said, "And yet I'm still here. And you know what that means, don't you?" _(Open and see, open and see.)_

"It means that I can't stand to be without you." Percy said. He already knew that. Of course he did, how could he not?_ (Open, open-)_

"Bingo." Nico said, "I'm a manifestation of your guilt and your need to protect everyone." _OPEN_ "I love you, Percy Jackson, and that knowledge just stabs at your heart." _(OPEN)_

Percy's heart had been stabbed the moment he had lost Nico. _(YOUR) _But hearing him like this, so much more lifelike than his dreams, was twisting the knife in a full circle until there was a giant hole in his chest with burst bits of organs on the blade of a knife, twisting and turning through his chest. "Please, stop." _(EYES)_

"Hey Percy,"

_And the dream ends._

Grover walked back in and said, "It's time to start. And hey, are you crying?"

_And the dream ends._

Percy opened his eyes and nodded. "I'm just nervous, that's all. Is it time?"

Grover nodded, and _(and) _the two of them walked out and down the _(the) _aisle. Percy saw Mr. Chase beaming with pride as he walked Annabeth _(dream) _down behind Percy and the two of them met and looked at each other _(ends)_. Percy saw Annabeth's grey eyes, always so sharp and intelligent. "Hey, Seaweed Brain."

The nickname brought a smile to his face and twisted the knife in his heart with guilt that made him almost gasp out in pain. Percy didn't say anything, but nodded. They faced each other as Chiron clopped out and began to speak.

"Friends, comrades, brothers in arms, we are here to celebrate a holy union."

_This is it, Percy. This is it._

"Between two of our most famous demigods, Annabeth Chase and Percy Jackson."

_I'm here, Percy, I'll always be here, because you know who you love._

"I have had the privilege of knowing them since they were children, and words cannot describe my elation that they are about to make the following vows."

_An oath to keep with a final breath, Percy, an oath to keep with a final breath._

"Do you, Percy Jackson, take Annabeth Chase as your lawfully wedded wife, and swear to protect her with all your strength?"

_You promised never to forget me, Percy. You promised as I died there and breathed my final breath._

"I do."

_Another oath, Percy. How many of those can you keep?_

"Do you, Annabeth Chase, take Percy Jackson as your lawfully wedded husband, and swear to protect him with all your strength?"

_It was just you, Percy. Never anyone else, just you. And it was only me, never anyone else, just me._

"I do."

_Open your eyes, Percy. You're looking, but they're still closed. We were meant to be. We should have been together. We would have been perfect._

"Then I pronounce the two of you forever entwined in love and marriage."

_And what are we entwined in, Percy? Guilt and a prophecy?_

"You may kiss the bride."

_As long as you willingly close your eyes I will always be there. As long as you dream of me and what could have been I'll always be there._

Annabeth flung her arms around Percy's neck and Percy looked into Annabeth's eyes as they drew in for a kiss. Percy _(opened) _closed his eyes as their lips met, and they stayed there for a few seconds. Drinking in each other. Thinking of what was to come. Then they pulled away as husband and wife.

_And the dream (ends) starts._

* * *

**Really hope you enjoyed this fic, because I really enjoyed writing and rereading it. Please review and tell me what you liked or disliked about this. I'd really appreciate that.**

**Thanks!**


End file.
